‘I don’t want to fight the rest of my life’
Brian Tracy is obsessed with getting outdoors. The 33-year-old environmental engineer has always been into outdoor activities — paddleboarding, hiking, camping — but a few years ago, his left leg started acting up. It seemed weaker than his right, and he was having balance problems.
Tracy went to several doctors, who at first thought he had a pinched nerve in his lower back. While he was in the midst of sorting out the leg problem, he switched his workouts back to a college hobby, easier on his weak left side — cycling.
Eventually, unconvinced by his original diagnosis and as the weakness progressed, Tracy last year made his way to a University of Washington neurologist. That doctor found a malignant tumor in Tracy’s brain. Known as an anaplastic oligodendroglioma, or AO, the tumor can’t be removed surgically due to its location, Tracy’s doctors told him, but his prognosis is still decent. His treatment — radiation and chemotherapy at SCCA — seems to have worked to shrink the tumor.
The spring of 2015 was a weird season for Tracy and his wife, Kim. There was the tumor, newly discovered. And they’d recently found out that Kim was expecting their first child, a baby girl.
The combination of those two big pieces of news, Tracy’s interest in living sustainably — in all meanings of the word — and a near-philosophical conversation with his neurologist led him to a decision about his outlook on the disease. Tracy’s doctor had told him that, in a way, his tumor was unique, since it came from his own, unique cells. It was a part of his biology that wouldn’t ever occur in anyone else.
That idea stuck with him. And he also knew he’ll likely be living with the tumor for the rest of his life. Like many patients and survivors, Tracy is tired of the cancer as battle rhetoric. It doesn’t fit with how he thinks about his life or his disease.
“I didn’t want to fight myself,” Tracy said. “The doctors were pretty clear — the tumor will never be gone … I don’t want to fight the rest of my life against this thing.”
Their daughter’s impending arrival was a shifting moment, too, Tracy said: “We don’t want to bring a kid into a world that’s stressful, with her parents stressed out and worried and anxious. She was a huge inspiration to stay positive.”
Soon after his diagnosis, Tracy’s friend and colleague, graphic designer Stephanie Pride, surprised him with a T-shirt made in his honor, with the phrase “Be Positive” written across it.
Now, more than a year after that fateful spring, Tracy has just finished his last chemotherapy treatment, is adjusting to life as a new dad (his daughter, Rosemary, is almost 9 months old) — and is getting ready for his first Obliteride. (The latest incarnation of the “Be Positive” shirts benefit Obliteride and the Hutch.)
He found out about the ride through a mutual friend of Lavin, Obliteride’s executive director. Tracy liked the idea of signing up for a race to look forward to right after his last chemo cycle. Gearing up for the 25-mile ride this weekend feels good, Tracy said, even if recovering from treatment and the lingering effects of his tumor is a “new normal” to get used to.
“What is normal doesn’t really make sense to me anymore … But the last time I had ‘normal,’ I didn’t have a daughter,” he said. “My big goal now is to get back to as physically healthy as I can be.”